Behold: A major scientific breakthrough being reported by Newsweek states, “scientists are reporting that playing action video games improves. . . vision. . .”

This is huge. Playing video games can actually IMPROVE your vision. Finally, science has given us the justice we deserve. No longer will overbearing mothers, wives, girlfriends, etc. try to guilt their sons, husbands, boyfriends, etc. out of two of the most important elements in life: playing video games and masturbating.

Now that playing video games can help improve our vision, we no longer have to live in fear that too much masturbation will make us go blind!

And the Circle Jerk of Lunacy continues. . .

Playing video games improves vision – masturbating now more popular than ever is a post from: holySmith!

It doesn’t matter if you are a male gymnast, a female gymnast, or a 39-year-old German gymnast, you get a hug after every routine. Not only do you get multiple hugs from your coach, but you get a minimum of two hugs from each of your teammates, a hug and a peck on each cheek from your international competitors, and then another round of hugs from your coach and your teammates’ coaches.

Now I can understand the Chinese “women” needing the hugs — after all, they are only a few months removed from potty training and they are all particularly fragile at that age. But the rest is just gratuitous hugging for no good reason.

And don’t get me or holySmith! The Wife started on the whole turquoise eye makeup thing.

Gymnasts shatter Olympic record for meaningless hugs is a post from: holySmith!

I can only image how crappy this is.

Have you ever seen that damned Time/Life commercial for their “I Can Only Imagine” collection of Christian music? It shows the “artists” singing their whiny-ass songs to arenas filled with white people who all have their hands raised to the sky (palms open), crying, and singing the words.

These are my questions:
1) How in the name of Zeus’ butthole do all these white people know the words to these songs? It’s not like 4Him are the Beatles or anything.

2) WHY do all the white people do that hands in the air, eyes closed, swaying thing for every christian music group? They look like the faceless kids who march into the meat grinder in Pink Floyd’s The Wall movie. Seriously.

3) Does anyone actually listen to this crap? After looking at the playlist, I think Cartman was right – all you have to do is name your band something dumb like “4him” or “Mercy Me” or “Amy Grant”, then write any crappy lyrics and just pepper it with some Jesus references and you, too, can be a christian rockstar.

So what the hell does this have to do with Brett Farve? Hell if I know. Maybe he can do a christian duet with Amy Grant and do halftime shows at Lambeau Field this season. That way, Packers fans get to continue their blind worship of Brett Farve and then they can throw snowballs and icicle spears at Amy Grant at the same time. Everybody wins.

Brett Farve should sing christian songs is a post from: holySmith!

In politics, one side can take any fragmented, out-of-context, totally inane informational tidbit and magnify it and blow it up into something that everyone finds out about within a day. It’s too bad that the magnifier being used is like that silly mirror at the funhouse that distorts the image being reflected into some horribly deformed, hilarious-looking creature. It’s funny.

It’s funny like the New Yorker Cover is funny because it depicts an image that some horribly mistaken people believe to be true for one reason or another. I find this image funny because it suggests the ridiculous belief that, had I not heard it from someone firsthand, I would never in a million years have thought of about Barack Obama – that he is secretly a terrorist plotting to overthrow the United States if he’s elected president.

If that is indeed the case, I am fairly certain that our current administration’s illegal wiretaps would have picked up on something of that magnitude, but who am I to start fights (insert dastardly chuckle here). . .

The real reason for this post is that I have a friend who is a very politically-charged person (he’s a Democrat) and, taking a page from the Michael Vick playbook on dogfighting, I am willing to wager that he could totally kick your Republican friend’s ass in a political blog battle royale. My friend has the admirable quality of having clear political beliefs and he’s not afraid to share them. Since he as taken the liberty of posting his beliefs on his blog, I feel obligated to honor his choices as a proud American blogger and “help a brother out” (that’s caucasian for “spread the word”) and blog about his blog my own self.

So that’s it. Go visit his blog and exercise your right to agree or disagree by posting your comments.

My Democrat friend can kick your Republican friend’s ass is a post from: holySmith!

The “stuff” genre of blogsites are quite popular these days (Stuff White People Like, Stuff God Hates, etc, etc). They’re in the news, they have books (in stores now), and even people like El Gammy are buying in, and he’s a half-breed Mexican-American for Pete’s sake. So it looks like the time has come for holySmith! to go in a new direction with the blog.

Here are some options I am toying with:

1. Stuff Crackers Who Enjoy Watching Bowling on TV and Being Good at it in Real Life Like
2. Stuff Married Men with One Child One House and One Car Like
3. Stuff Non-Religious Science Fiction Loving Pro Feminist Anti-Nazi Dog Owning Literate Demographically Challenged Three Point Shooting College Educated Water Skiing Bass Fishing Two Flushing Crossword Puzzle Solving Internet Friendly One Hand Driving Cell Phone Operating Baseball Throwing Topless Go-Go-Dancing Spaghetti Eating Nike Wearing Tax Paying Breathing People Like

Stuff White People Like has really made me reconsider my race, but at least I am not a douchebag.

Stuff Six-Foot-Tall White Males Born in St. Louis Like (.com) is a post from: holySmith!