MAY 4, 2010 – GERMANY – In response to this interview with Justin Beiber, Germany today announced that it has no idea who the hell Justin Beiber is either.

Germany asks: Who the fuck is Justin Beiber?

“Actung! Lederhosen! Volkswagen! Octoberfest! Zeitgeist!” Germany said during its press conference (a translator was unavailable at the time of this writing).

“That sounds pretty bad,” said Thad Bosley, an American tourist who happened to be in the same building in Berlin where the press conference was held. “I have no idea what Germany said right there, but it can’t be good. By the way, who the [expletive] is Justin Beiber?!?!”"

As is clear from the interview, Justin Beiber hasn’t heard of Germany and doesn’t know what the word “German” means.

Click here for the video.

Germany Hasn’t Heard of Justin Bieber is a post from: holySmith!

Sources close to Rock n Roll are today confirming that the old boy is, indeed, barely breathing and have also verified that the heart of Rock n Roll is no longer beating in DC, San Antone [sic], the Liberty Town, Boston, Baton Rouge, Tulsa, Austin, Oklahoma City, Seattle and San Francisco, too.

The News claims no responsibility whatsoever

The same sources have, however, confirmed that the heart of Rock n Roll is still beating in Cleveland and Detroit, despite claims to the contrary by those who believed Detroit was officially shut down after the automotive bailouts and Cleveland because of its stench.

Rock n Roll was unable to be reached for comment either by phone or via email. Representatives for Rock n Roll were also unavailable for comment.

Experts attribute Rock n Roll’s heart stoppage in certain areas to stress brought on by his increased health insurance costs. Rock n Roll, according to several people close to the genre, pays a high cost to maintain his daily requirement of prescription pain killers, which he uses to dull the pain from over exposure to songs that are artificially enhanced by Auto-tune. The company which supplies health insurance to Rock n Roll is claiming that Auto-tune was a “pre-existing condition,” citing it’s use by Cher in her song Believe in 1998, prior to the start of Rock n Roll’s pain pill needs, and will therefore deny coverage.

Sources confirm heart of Rock n Roll not beating is a post from: holySmith!

AOL is now “Aol.”

I did not make these - AOL (sorry, Aol.) did.

This new logo has been the talk of the design world recently – something I now pay attention to since I am into that kind of stuff. Most designers don’t like the change for various reasons – but that’s not a surprise since most designers don’t like anything not created by either themselves or Apple (that was a friendly jab, but seriously, that’s how many of them are).

Anyway, here’s my contribution to the Aol. parody logo rage that’s all the big deal on the Interwebs now:

Not unlike the brilliant viral video that Microsoft did for Windows 7 Launch Parties, I think this might be a calculated plan on Aol.’s part because they planted the obviously bad logo schemes out there so people like me can make fun of it. More people are now talking about Aol. [<- that's their period, not mine] than have in a long time, just because they unveiled shitty logo set. From that point of view, it’s already mission accomplished. Now weather they still have a viable business is anyone with a dial-up modem’s guess, but that’s not for holySmith! to decide.

AOL is still around and they have a new logo is a post from: holySmith!

I forgot to send this information to holySmith! The Father (a.k.a. Master of All Things Automotive and Buyer of Retail Automotive Accessories) the other day to confirm what type of blades are required. The following is a direct quote from Honda, the makers of my 2006 Civic Hybrid, regarding the wiper blades:

The driver’s blade measures 25.6 inches in length, much longer than the usual blade, while the passenger’s blade measures 22.6 inches in length. The superior flat blade construction features long lasting durability, yet is also easy to service with a rubber insert that requires no special tools or high cost items to replace.

We’ll see how “easy to service” these mofos are as I’ve read some horrific tales of other people with the same or similar cars having major problems changing the blades out due to some kind of defect in the way they were designed. It’s either that or there are a lot of non-mechanically-inclined asshats driving hybrids, which is more than likely the case, present company excluded of course.

Anyway, thanks in advance to holySmith! The Father for his assistance with the procurement and acquisition of said blades.

holySmith! The Car needs new wiper blades is a post from: holySmith!

Not unlike other Interweb powerhouses like Google, holySmith! has been banned in the People’s Republic of China, which is ruled by the Communist Party of China. Party leaders in China chose to ban holySmith! when they heard rumors that holySmith! was threatening to reveal the long held “ancient Chinese secret”. Film at 11.

If you’re too young to know what the ancient Chinese secret is, then the video below will help.

In a related story, holySmith! just can’t believe that he used the line “If you’re too young to know. . .” in real life. This officially confirms that holySmith! is terminally infected with the OLD.

China bans holySmith! is a post from: holySmith!