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Apologies for slavery, Eddie in rehab (again), and the Chewbacca Defense

It just doesn’t make sense. Wookies don’t live on Endor. Eddie Van Halen minus Valerie Bertanelli equals Rehab for Eddie again (and a cancelled tour, which is probably for the best anyway). And he grew his long hair out again, so he looks like Chewbacca.

And what does any of this have to do with Chewbacca? Absolutely nothing. It just doesn’t make sense.

And all of a sudden people feel the need to apologize for slavery. Once again I ask: WTF?

*Note, for all of you who don’t use IM or text messages, WTF=What the Fuck, but I don’t think it’s nice to use Fuck a lot, so instead of saying Fuck all the time, or ‘what the fuck’ as it were, i would prefer to reduce the number of Fuck-mentions on the blog and just go with ‘F’ or ‘WTF’. OK then.

I am pretty sure that there are no living participants of the slave-era left anymore. I am pretty sure that the bastards who did it are all dead. I am also pretty sure that all of the people who were actually slaves are also no longer with us…

That being said, how in the F is it possible that people feel the need to apologize for something that they didn’t do, TO someone that they didn’t do it to? Not only that, but the slavery issue was HUGE back in the 1860s, so wouldn’t you think this ‘apology’ is, at the very least, a day late and a dollar short?


I don’t care how horrible slavery was, a weak-ass, way-too-late apology for something so horrible absolutely makes it WORSE. You can’t just apologize for slavery. Could you imagine Hitler’s family coming out for a press conference next week saying, “Umm, hi. We’re the Hitlers and we just wanted to say, umm, to all the Jewish people, umm, you know that whole Holocost thing? Umm, yeah, sorry about that.”

Apologies for stuff that is completely out of your control is ri-god-damn-diculous. Why the hell would anyone even attempt to apologize for slavery? Do they really think it will make it “better”? These are probably the same pussies who insist that all the kids get trophies, even when they lose, like just showing up is cause for a trophy (don’t even get me started on my conspiracy theory that the major trophy manufacturers have a controlling interest in the way our kids are raised today).

Who is apologizing for slavery, and to whom are they apologizing? Who is the official “Slavery Spokesperson” and who is the official “Representative of the Enslaved”. I am no lover of Slavery or the Holocost, but you don’t just apologize for it. Do you think president Bush would one day just ante-up and say, “hey there Iraqi people, sorry we bombed the shit out of you. I was just pissed that I couldn’t catch the real guy who was responsible for September 11th attacks. Whoops. My bad. Here’s a $25 gift card to Home Depot so you can rebuild your homes.”

What the hell kind of world do we live in where drunk-ass rock stars have to go to rehab and people feel the need to apologize for slavery? Who the hell woke up one morning and thought, “wow, i feel really bad about slavery. I should apologize for it.”? Who the hell fires his bass player after 30 years on the job (the one guy ALL Van Halen fans actually like), and then grows his 1980 hair out again and decides to go back to the original singer, a move which should have prevented the whole Gary Cherone incident, and then cancels the new tour to go back to rehab, after dumping his steady wife of like 25 years…well, that one’s easy: Eddie Van Halen. The man can play a guitar like nobody’s business, but what a fuckwad…oops, there it is again.

Seriously, WTF world?

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • El Gammy March 10, 2007, 8:30 am

    Good rant dude. It’s almost as good as my theory on leasing puppies, but not quite.

    As for these “apologies,” they’re about as sincere as Mel Gibson’s was to the J-O-Os or Michael Richards’ was to the “Naggers” (thanks South Park). Once the damage is done, these apologies only make the guilty parties feel better about themselves, but they don’t do crap for the victimized.

    Oh, and about the whole Eddie Van Halen thing: you’re old dude.

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