≡ Menu

BREAKING NEWS: holySmith! blows up with a 300

Hate to say I told you so. . .but I did.

Graduate from college: CHECK
Marry THE woman: CHECK
Make an awesome baby: CHECK
Buy a house: CHECK
Bowl a 300. . .

Yep, scratch that one off the list people. . .holySmith! is going to the Bowling Hall of Fame. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my parents, for making holySmith!, also Pete Weber, who apparently worked with me at a young age to show me the ropes of the game. I’d also like to thank my Uncle Pierre for letting me bowl my arm off when I was just a kid at his old bowling alley. I’d like to thank my Minds in the Gutter teammates who constantly remind me that I will choke in the 8th frame. I’d like to thank god for blessing me with a sweet bowling ball and fantastic leg kick on my follow through. I’d also like to thank the Academy because that is who people often thank after receiving a high honor. I would like to thank the city of Detroit for turning over cars and burning down half of the city in my honor. Thanks also to the good people at Storm bowling, Columbia 300, DynoThane — my bowling brands of choice (pay up sponsors). Special thanks to Ozzie Smith, just for being the Wizard. Much love to Iced Tea, the official beverage of holySmith! when he bowls. Then there are all the little people who contributed to this fine accomplishment. . .

Yeah, it was pretty sweet. I actually bowled 16 straight if you count the start of the second game. The final tally was a 743 series (300, 221, 222). Needless to say the second two games were not so good due to my inability to pick spares for some reason. I blamed it on the fact that my spare ball was pissed at me for not using it half the night.

The ring is on order. . .”Go crazy folks!”

{ 9 comments… add one }
  • El Gammy March 22, 2007, 10:30 am

    Once again, congratulations holysmith, but I would like to clear something up right now before this goes any further:

    I’d like to thank my Minds in the Gutter teammates who constantly remind me that I will choke in the 8th frame.

    While the above statement might have been true the dozen or so previous times you had gone perfect up to the 8th frame, last night was different. So different, in fact, that your biggest nay-sayer, the teammate that gives you the most shit of all, your very own brother-in-law… CALLED YOUR PERFECT GAME IN THE 5TH FRAME.

    “This is the night fellas,” he said, “Holysmith is feeling it tonight. I can tell the man is locked in.” We all spent the next 5 frames cheering you on and encouraging you, while you stewed in your own pretentious whining:

    “I’ll probably leave the 7 pin on the next frame.”

    “Watch me leave a split on the next ball.”

    “It’s only a matter of time before I choke. That 10 pin is gonna rear its ugly head soon.”

    Now, I know you’re trying to deal with the pressure, and that’s fine. I don’t fault you for trying to keep yourself on the ground, but don’t come on here and claim that the Minds in the Gutter team was rattling you last night or waiting for you to choke.

    On the contrary, we knew you were in the zone last night and didn’t make a single comment about you chocking. Furthermore, we all kept doing the exact same things from frame to frame so as to keep the variables to a minimum. Examples:

    1) I would always place my towel on top of your ball as I would bowl ahead of you (this could have possibly taken the top oil off of your ball and possibly helped it on its break, by the way).

    2) The female on our team continued doing her work even into your 9th and 10th frames, refusing to look so as to not jinx you by doing something different.

    3) Your brother-in-law “Peter” (name changed to protect the innocent*) said the exact same phrase, which I won’t repeat on this family-friendly blog, before your every roll. Then he would sit and stare silently as you began your approach and culminated his routine with a Tigeresque fist pump after you had done your deed.

    There were other intricate details behind the scenes that we kept as consistent as possible from frame to frame. The point is: I’d like to think that we played a more positive role in your perfection last night than you gave us credit for. I’m not saying we did anything significant, but we did all feel like we had bowled the perfect game right along with you afterwards. As far as I’m concerned, it was a team effort.

    And now that I’ve attempted to make myself a part of your glorious feat, I’m done. Thanks.

    *Hahahahahah

  • Auntie "M" March 22, 2007, 10:30 am

    Congratulations from one of the Little People. Don’t forget that Big Bob is also very proud!!!!!

  • Uncle Pierre March 22, 2007, 3:34 pm

    Congratulations and thanks for including me in your acceptance speech!

  • Mr Smith March 22, 2007, 4:50 pm

    Happy Anniversary to holySmith! The Parents. . .what better gift than a 300 from your favorite son.

  • Mr Smith March 22, 2007, 4:53 pm

    Oh, and thanks to El Gammy, fellow Minds in the Gutter teammate and co-worker, who surprised me with two fantastic gifts this morning at the office: One was a great cake which we all shared and the other is a giant ceramic rooster for my office which had hanging from it a sign that read “Your New 300 Cock”.

    You had to be there.

  • Mom March 22, 2007, 7:29 pm

    Hey Big Shot!!! What a terrific game. I think you should have waited until November 24th, just to commemorate the original Smith 300. Since you couldn’t, bowl another in his honor. I notice that all yours fans came out once you bowled a 300. Yeah, now they want to be part of the faithful. Be proud, very proud. Love ya!
    Mama and Not the Mama

  • uncle Bob March 25, 2007, 9:02 pm

    Well la de da. What’s so great about a 300 game? After all you don’t have to pick any spares. And what’s this about a female on the team? In my day we bowled in MENS Leagues, and that’s the way it was and we liked it. I”m just joshin’ way to go Mr. Smith you should be proud, now you can try to reach a real milestone; the ever elusive 291 game. Let us know.

Leave a Comment