≡ Menu

Croatians purposely winning to screw with sports announcers

The Croatian soccer team is chock-full of dudes with names that most people can’t pronounce. That is EXACTLY why they keep winning games. They are doing it on purpose. They do it so that the whole world can watch as the SportsCenter guys try to pronounce names that just should not be pronounced by native English speakers or even Spanish-speaking soccer/futbol announcers. It’s just not natural.

Who\'s Croatian?

That’s how it is with Croatians. When it comes to making last names, they are fond of putting a lot of consonants together without the help of a lot of vowels (i.e. Niko Kranjcar, Darijo Srna, or Nikola Pokrivac).

holySmith! has a strong Croatian heritage from the maternal side of the family – pretty much all of them are Croatian. And they have the consonant-laden surnames and the tamburitzas to prove it.

And no, tamburitzas are not what you think they are.

So anyhoo – go Croatia! I am playing my “Croatian Card” and hopping on the bandwagon even though most people think of Croatia as one of those non-countries that only really exists when the Olympics are happening. I am on the bandwagon since ASU got booted from the NCAA baseball tournament last week and the frackin’ Royals swept the Cardinals. Even stupid Chipper Jones dipped his batting average below .400, and I don’t even like Chipper Jones.

I just need something to believe in.

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Uncle Bob June 26, 2008, 8:45 pm

    There are only 18 Croatians in Springfield, MO(we don’t have a steel plant here) and a Korean friend of mine told me they dominate the indoor soccer league here. My response to Mr. Moon(my Korean Friend) was that all the best athletes are Croatian. During an adult hockey tournament vs. Little Rock,AR, a Czech asked about my heritage,I responded with a hat trick and he knew by extrapolating the legacy of Joe Sakic that I was without a doubt Croatian. This lineage is also the cause of many perfect games in bowling,(although the senior Holy Smith may argue otherwise)While a Croatian is responsible for inventing the necktie our true style is exposed on the turf,ice and court(s), and none of us are dumb enough to go into boxing!

  • Uncle Bob June 26, 2008, 8:48 pm

    P.S.- Uncle Bob loves Chipper”Larry” Jones since the Sign Man/Poto fantasy baseball team has a huge lead in their league due to Larry’s steroid free march to greatness.

  • holySmith! June 27, 2008, 1:18 pm

    I knew this would be the post that brought THE Uncle Bob out of his Internet hibernation! I figured if I played the Croatian card, not only would I rouse my family back into the blog again, but I would more than likely cause the Croatian soccer team to lose to Turkey in what was one of the most incredible soccer matches I have ever seen. Granted that was probably the only soccer match I’ve watched in my life, but it was a true heart-breaker nonetheless. Mission Accomplished.

    And as much as he might be helping your fantasy team, Chipper Jones remains a complete and total douche. Fortunately you are using him like the tool that he is (in order to further your fantasy team’s potential winnings) and not because you are in any way, shape, or form a “fan” of his.

Leave a Comment