≡ Menu

Dear Government, I want my money back.

The governement of the United States, the greatest country in the world, is functionally retarded.

I have proof.

The article says (and I quote):

The federal government now spends about $176 million annually on abstinence-until-marriage education. Critics have repeatedly said they don’t believe the programs are working, and the study will give them reinforcement.

Jesus Tapdancing Christ. No shit, Sherlock. Duh. Are you F’ing kidding me?

holySmith! would like to take this opportunity to formally request a full refund from our retarded government. I can say with certainty that I could have single-handedly completed the very same study in one-tenth of the time and at a fraction of the cost to arrive at the very same conclusion.

I think I understand why people would want their kids to wait until they are married to have sex. That’s one way for them to get sex after marriage for sure. But what if you marry someone you never had sex with? That’s like buying a million-dollar car that you’ve never driven, or buying a house you plan on living in for 30 years without ever going inside it to make sure it’s the one you want for life.

Guilt and denial are no way to live life. Sex is like life. There are risks. The risks of other aspects of life are taught to kids (don’t touch the hot stove, don’t play in traffic, don’t eat dog poop). Why should sex be any different? Using a do-goody-good bullshit contract that basically puts kids in an awkward position of having to break a contract and lie to their parents about it is no way to curb sexual activity. That’s like making a kid sign a contract not to raid the cookie jar. The urge is too powerful to ignore, so why frustrate the situation even more?

The only time that abstinence contracts work are when they are given to the kids who couldn’t get laid anyway. I am pretty sure they give you the contracts when you are in that awkward phase between “girls are gross” and “hump anything that moves”. The contract is a no-brainer until you cross over into the latter phase, then it is just downright torture.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • uncle bob April 17, 2007, 9:05 pm

    I am reading a depressing history book by Howard Zinn(People’s history of the United States) Mr. Zinn was educated thanks to the G.I. Bill(one expensive govt program that worked) and he explains why our government has always found ways to divert our attention from the real issues. Under our current administration(the guys that we had to elect because Al Gore couldn’t keep us safe) crime is at a 10 year high, and we have lunatics able to buy guns and mow down college students. George Jr. couldn’t even give a speech expressing his personal sorrow without constantly looking at his notes.We will not be inspired by our government officials until we elect someone inspirational instead of a bunch of oafs who care not a whit about anyone but the party. The abstinence taught in our schools should focus on abstaining from digesting the lies that these “leaders” feed us to keep us distracted from the real issues. By the by, I had a career night tonight. For the first time my whole family got to watch our opening round playoff game. I scored four goals( a career best) but after exiting the ice and returning I was inundated with images of some loon who was allowed to buy a gun too easily.All hail the NRA and the geniuses who rule. They helped ruin my evening. At least the killer was by many accounts practicing abstinence.

  • MrSmith April 18, 2007, 9:29 am

    The hockey player’s equivalent to Al Bundy’s legendary 4 touchdowns for Polk High. . . congrats on the playoff domination (I assume you won).

    The Krazy Korean Kid jacked up a lot of people’s nights and now we have to watch grieving college kids and candle light vigils on the news for the next six weeks. Thank god for Tivo so we can watch our shows during the news time.

    Clearly he wasn’t getting laid. I am pissed because now he makes English Majors look bad across the board. Asswipe.

    There was an interesting interview with this guy (can’t remember who he was) who had written a book about serial killers and mass murderers and he said that one of the most F’d up things is how the media portrays the events as “record high 33 murders” and “biggest massacre in US history” and stuff like that, like it is a contest. He basically said that the media portrays these things in comparison to each other and in doing so, fuels the next massacre to be even “bigger” since the people doing the killing are striving to break the record so they are remembered.

    Way to go media. That’s why people need to rely on holySmith.com for their news. . .

Leave a Comment