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Girl Next Door Can’t Park for Shit

I hate chicks (or any drivers) who habitually fail to park within the lines of parking spots. This girl in our apartment complex has a brand new Mitsubishi Eclipse and has yet to ever park it between the lines in her assigned space. It kills me to see it every day when I walk out to my car. Her car (which is quite small) is always parked cockeyed in the spot with the left rear wheel clearly invading the space next to her.

It’s like she is afraid to pull in all the way or something, but she has like (literally) 5 feet before she would be considered “pulled in” all the way. Seriously, are chicks with new Eclipses that blind and parking-challenged? Pull into the space all the way and straighten the wheel a bit. It’s not that hard.

Why does this bug me so much? Well, I am partially OCD, so I am sure that has something to do with it. I think it has something to do with the phone that is apparently glued to her head. I have seen her several times, but she is never talking to the phone either as she is driving or as she is walking up to her place. Perhaps people who are constantly on the phone while driving are exempt from parking between the lines?

Stay within the lines, people. The lines are our friends. Stay within the lines.

In the event that I run for any public office, this will be one of my hot-button issues for sure. I will push for legislation to help curb shitty parkers from all spaces by making the shitty parkers adorn their cars with huge inflatable bumpers that will deploy and form a giant bubble around the shittily parked car, thus exposing the shitty parkers to everyone as the car is subsequently flipped over by the inflated bubble (just an idea). Repeat offenders will have their licenses pulled on the grounds that if they can’t park between the lines in a parking lot, they probably can’t stay between the lines on the streets while driving. Pretty simple, really.

Personally, people who park like this (or the jackasses who park SUVs and large trucks across two or more spaces in parking lots of places like Costco or Target on Saturday afternoons when there are NO SPACES in the entire lot) are lazy and discourteous to others, which generally is a huge pet peeve of mine.

Dammit people, can’t we all just get along?

And I hope you are reading this blog, girl next door. On behalf of all your neighbors, please learn how to park that thing, or I will call your dad and tell him to take back the new car he just bought you and give it to his mistress (your roommate).

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • El Gammy August 14, 2006, 12:05 pm

    The “give it to your mistress (your roomate)” end was cold, heartless, and one of the top 5 reasons why your ramblings are legendary.

    I’ve never voted in my life because apathy is cool, but if you do end up running for office and push for such legislation, you can count on me and my stereotypically large Mexican family to support you till the bitter end.

    It’s okay, they’re legal, so their votes do count. Now if you could only push for legislation that’ll provide for Spanish ballots…

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