holySmith! is calling for GW (Global Warming) to make up its mind already. In one corner of the US (the southwest corner, namely Arizona where holySmith! lives), we have a wildfire-crazy drought. It’s 6400 degrees (F) out here in the Sonoran Desert. If you so much as look at something the wrong way, it can catch on fire and take down 100,00 acres within a week.
Then in the heartland of our fair country we have the Mighty Mississippi (or the Mississippissmmeeoffi as many of my fellow Midwesterners are probably calling it these days) which is flooding the crap out of everything. When places like St. Louis, Missouri, Keokuk, Iowa, and Quincy, Illinois, all make national headlines in the same day, one of two things has happened: 1) holySmith! died and emotional tributes from all the places he once called home are pouring in, or 2) the Mississippi is flooding again.
Given the mostly unobstructed path between the two areas, I have to think there is some compromise to be had here. The Southwest needs the water, and the Midwest has water up to its ears (or its 3rd-floor attic in some places). If stupid Global Warming can’t make up its mind and split the difference on its own, then maybe we could get the other GW to do something about it? And by “the other GW” I of course mean our president. He could legitimize his existence with one bold move that could turn the flooding Mississippi into the world’s biggest sprinkler system for the Southwest. He could put thousands of people to work on installing the system and subsequently drop the water levels in the Midwest at the same time. It’s pure genius.
And if he acts now, holySmith! will promise not to make fun of what will be, once completed, the single greatest oxymoron of all time: “The George W. Bush Presidential Library”. (Editors Note: With his crafty wordSmithing!, holySmith! worked “George W. Bush” and “Library” into the same sentence, and thus made himself eligible for the Nobel Prize for Literary Genius).