≡ Menu

GW make up your mind

holySmith! is calling for GW (Global Warming) to make up its mind already. In one corner of the US (the southwest corner, namely Arizona where holySmith! lives), we have a wildfire-crazy drought. It’s 6400 degrees (F) out here in the Sonoran Desert. If you so much as look at something the wrong way, it can catch on fire and take down 100,00 acres within a week.

Then in the heartland of our fair country we have the Mighty Mississippi (or the Mississippissmmeeoffi as many of my fellow Midwesterners are probably calling it these days) which is flooding the crap out of everything. When places like St. Louis, Missouri, Keokuk, Iowa, and Quincy, Illinois, all make national headlines in the same day, one of two things has happened: 1) holySmith! died and emotional tributes from all the places he once called home are pouring in, or 2) the Mississippi is flooding again.

Given the mostly unobstructed path between the two areas, I have to think there is some compromise to be had here. The Southwest needs the water, and the Midwest has water up to its ears (or its 3rd-floor attic in some places). If stupid Global Warming can’t make up its mind and split the difference on its own, then maybe we could get the other GW to do something about it? And by “the other GW” I of course mean our president. He could legitimize his existence with one bold move that could turn the flooding Mississippi into the world’s biggest sprinkler system for the Southwest. He could put thousands of people to work on installing the system and subsequently drop the water levels in the Midwest at the same time. It’s pure genius.

And if he acts now, holySmith! will promise not to make fun of what will be, once completed, the single greatest oxymoron of all time: “The George W. Bush Presidential Library”. (Editors Note: With his crafty wordSmithing!, holySmith! worked “George W. Bush” and “Library” into the same sentence, and thus made himself eligible for the Nobel Prize for Literary Genius).

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • JaceOne July 8, 2008, 11:36 am

    First of all, sorry for the late comment. The feed on [BS] that lets me know when you Arizona freaks update your blogs was broken, so I figured I was just in the usual holySmith! content drought 🙂 I missed the last 2 posts!

    Anyways, great idea to fix both of our problems. We did make national headlines here in Cedar Rapids for getting completely uber-fucked flooded. It was unbelievable. And not a few hundred (ok, thousand) miles away, you guys are burnt to a crisp (i smell burnt bacon coming from Jeley). Mother Nature is a dirty, dirty bitch. I don’t know who lit her tampon string on fire, but it’s not just us and all of our cars. Something else is pissing her off. Did someone fuck her and not call back? El Gammy?

  • holySmith! July 8, 2008, 12:04 pm

    No worries there, JaceOne. I haven’t exactly been burning up your comments section at [BS] either, but I have been keeping up on all the craptastic boobie posts you guys have put up lately. Keep up the good work. It makes the 110-degree days feel more like 102-degree days, which is a big deal.

    I didn’t realize you were out there in the Chicagoland area (after all, Iowa is just the biggest suburb of Chicago). Half the people who live in Phoenix are actually from Iowa. It seems fitting for people who grew up with flooded basements to move to a place where they don’t have water AND they don’t have basements. I am almost afraid to ask, but Cubs or Cardinals? If you’re into baseball, a fellow Iowan and I run cubsvscards.com. We’re way behind on updating it, but it’s pretty interesting.

  • JaceOne July 8, 2008, 5:42 pm

    Yeah, the breasticles have been bountiful lately, haven’t they? Especially “Amber”. Holy crap. You could park a bike between those…

    Iowa’s the biggest suburb of Chicago…i like that. Whenever I tell people from Europe where I live, I just say “by Chicago”. Much easier than trying to explain what an “Iowa” is.

    As for Cubs or Cards, well, I have to say that I haaaaaaaaaaaaate baseball. I did go to a Cards game once as a kid, which was kind of cool, but I just can’t get into it on TV. Now football, that’s my sport. Lifelong Chiefs fan, and recent Colts fan since Peyton got there. Not a bandwagon thing either, just love watching him execute.

Leave a Comment