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holySmith! to Pope: I’m not your buddy, friend

Pope to holySmith!: I’m not your friend, guy.

holySmith! to Pope: I’m not your guy, pal.

Pope to holySmith!: I’m not your pal, buddy.

Sorry. . .had that South Park episode lodged in my brain still.

Anyway, the Pope could single handedly fix the climate crisis, reduce the cost of gas, and inspire Yankees and Red Sox fans to evolve into tolerable members of society. He pulls a crowd bigger than if Elvis were to walk on stage anywhere and he does it the same way that Popes have been doing for hundreds of years: Guilt, er, I mean, “inspiration” and “faith”.

If “faith” is truly the reason so many people flock to see the Pope, then why can’t they have faith in their planet, faith in their technology, and faith that one day soberiety, rational thought, and walking erect can be achieved? But we all know that the guilt is the prime motivator used by the Pope, so why can’t he weild his guilty powers and “inspire” all his true believers to affect change in more tangible ways? It’s like your mother used to say to you when you were a kid: “Don’t do (insert terrible behavior here) or one day you’ll have kids of your own who do it to you.”

I think it’s worth a shot. And while we’re at it, let’s gather all the crappy cars that we can’t sell in the US and ship them to China so that every person in China can drive. Since we all know that the Chinese are genetically cursed to be shitty drivers (as evidenced by the A-hole who almost drove into me the other day), they will effectively wipe themselves out after one, maybe two rush hours and we will have rid ourselves of several global issues in one swift stroke. And the Olympics.

What do you think about that, buddy?

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