Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Linked-In – the social networks were predictably mute today after the holySmith! AntiSocial Network website went live. The holySmith! AntiSocial Network was overlooked by the fine douchewhanks over at CNN – the same network that features “news” anchors sitting at a desk reading live twitter feeds to you, the masses, and passing it off as real news.
Because we really give a crap about what “real” people think, especially the ones who write things like: “r u seerius? CNN rprtng kix @$$!!!!!!!”
The holySmith! AntiSocial Network is made up website lurkers (never post comments) and by “hardcore” AntiSocial Networkers who never even bothered to sign up for Facebook and Twitter accounts.
One holySmith! AntiSocial Networker (who chose to remain anonymous due to the likelyhood that putting his name on the Internet would instantly get his identity stolen) said, “This whole Internet thing’s just a scam. Google’s out there gathering up all the information you have so they can sell it to the Germans and Chinese. Facebook is just a high school popularity contest and MySpace is just where douchebags post pictures of themselves and their same four friends in the same stupid poses with the same bottles of Gray Goose but in different clubs. I don’t need any of that. Oh yeah, and Obama’s a socialist.”
The holySmith! AntiSocial Network website currently has an Alexa ranking number that is higher than the current national debt. The site gets zero traffic, yet it is arguably the largest network of AntiSocialers in the universe. Not even the GoogleBot visits the site.
“We’re not bringing anyone together here,” said holySmith!, founder of the holySmith! AntiSocial Network. “We are the masses of people who refuse to buy into this whole social networking buzz. Our non-networking network is really the largest of any of these sites because there are way more AntiSocialers out there than all the Tweeters, MySpacers, and Facebookers combined. Our people choose not to connect for lots of reasons, but mostly because they think the FBI is cyberstalking them so they can steal their money and funnel it to the Cubans to bankroll the forthcoming nuclear attack on Alaska even though we’ll all think it was the Taliban and the North Koreans so we can go to war and shoot guns in the air again without penalty. . .or because they think Obama is a socialist. These are real people who choose not to buy into society’s machine.”