Knowledge is disappointment and power

holySmith!holyConspiracy!, holySports!, Words3 Comments

Ouch. In the animal kingdom, even a mighty tiger can sometimes be brought down by a wild pack of hyenas (more on that in a moment).

As a world famous Internet blogger, holySmith! understands the pressures brought on by ridiculous amounts of fame and the opportunities that arise because people know your public persona. Fame’s a bitch, ain’t she, Tiger?

Only the best.

Only the best.

Tiger has a carefully created image that has been crafted over many years. His image as a golfer is “the best”. He’s in a class by himself. His ads are for products that are perceived to be the best because they are used (endorsed) by the best. But it’s foolish to think that any famous person is without flaws. The more you know about them, the more disappointed you’re likely to be with that person because at the end of the day, they’re still human and it’s only a matter of time before humanity catches them. Or, if you’re a Tiger, the pack of hungry hyenas catches you (more on that in a moment).

This is why people worship imaginary deities. Gods and their moral perfection are a product of the imagination, so it’s pretty hard for them to succumb to the pressures of fame, including but not limited to “transgressions” with cocktail waitresses or playing proctologist with the cute hotel staff member (Kobe). The models of moral fiber pretty much have to be imaginary in this day and age, because I’m sure that TMZ could find some horrible tidbit about anybody – even Jesus if he were alive today to be scrutinized.

This is why holySmith! is not a fan of blind worship of anything or anyone. It’s ok to F up. We’re human. It’s what we do. It’s what makes knowledge have value. If we weren’t human sometimes, TV would suck.

And while the mighty Tiger may have failed in some way to fulfill the nearly unrealistic and completely unsustainable expectations and wishes thrust upon him by his own success and by those who follow him with devotion, I think this bit of “transgression” might just be part of the plan. The hyenas’ plan, that is.

Hyena pack leader "Phil" (center, smiling, with carcass hanging from jaws) may be the transgressional mastermind of all this.

Hyena pack leader, Phil, pictured in the center, smiling, with carcass hanging from jaws, may be the transgressional mastermind of all this.

You see, Tiger has been practically untouchable for years, both in golf and, as a result, in life. He’s highly successful, driven and well liked by a broad audience. He was pretty much a god. But that’s a lot to sustain for as long as he has done it. He has a smokin’ hot wife, a kid, all the money in the world, a compassionate attitude and a charitable heart. All good things. Again, it’s almost too much of a fairly tale.

He has also regularly beaten the holy crap out of an entire field of other professional golfers for so many years that possibly, the time has come for the circle of life to rear its ironic head.

Let’s say the pack of hyenas are behind this. You can almost hear them circling the Tiger, hungry and pissed after all these years of him terrorizing them. Now they get to turn the tables on the Tiger. Now the hyenas can get their shot at revenge.

The leader of the hyena pack – let’s call him ‘Phil’ – is licking his chops. Maybe this hyena named Phil is a little passive-aggressive and he helped uncover the Tiger’s plot to mate with multiple tigresses. Maybe he saw the opportunity to take the Tiger down by exploiting said “transgressions”. Maybe the hyena named Phil told a little birdie (named Padraig) to whisper in the ear of the hotty Tigress that her mighty Tiger was transgressing other tigresses behind her back. Check the golf club that went through the back of the car window. . .was it one of Tiger’s or one of Phil’s?

With the rest of the animal kingdom now aware of this situation, the mighty Tiger is trapped. The hyena named Phil wants what the Tiger has – domination. So do all the other hyenas. If they see the mighty Tiger down, don’t you think they’d try to overtake the Tiger and his territory? Damn right they will. One of them might even land the hotty Tigress as a bonus, just to spite the Tiger.

And so it seems that it’s working. The hyenas see that the Tiger is weakened and vulnerable now that news of his transgressions has swept through the kingdom. The hyenas will strike. And maybe the hotty Tigress will divorce the mighty Tiger and take everything but his golf clubs. He won’t have a firm grip on the kingdom, which means he’s now just like the rest of them, which makes him beatable. Maybe a hyena named Phil will finally rule the kingdom.


It’s either that or the mighty Tiger got bored with his reign of total domination and because all the hyenas pretty much suck rocks at giving him a challenge, the only way for the mighty Tiger to have a real challenge is to create one for himself so that he can overcome it and look even more epic. After all, he is Tiger.

3 Comments on “Knowledge is disappointment and power”

  1. nominating this as both the best "media" on the Tiger Story and best blog entry of 2009. not just best blog entry for but best in the entire blogosphere.

  2. Pingback: Once again inspired by holySmith! « Chicken effed Bacon

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