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Mormons use SUVs to destroy planet, go to heaven faster

I will make the inaugural post in my new category called “Gross Generalizations” about one of the easiest targets for making gross generalizations: the mormons.

Gross Generalization #1: The mormons are trying to kill the planet as fast as possible so they can get to heaven (or wherever the heck they think they go when they die) as soon as possible.

If we’re talking carbon footprints, the mormons would be on par with a footprint the size of a brontosaurus, BigFoot, or Shaquille O’Neal.

Proof to support this gross generalization:
OK, so we’re on the way out of the neighborhood where the in-laws live (a mormon-heavy neighborhood mind you) and across the road from their place lives a mormon family. They were having a gathering that Sunday afternoon and I shit you not, there were three full sized Chevy Tahoes, one Escalade (extended version), one Excursion, a Hummer H2, and two full sized pickups (lifted with huge super-swamper tires) parked on the street outside this house.

And that doesn’t count the vehicles in the driveway and garage (add at least two more full size SUVs and I think a van).

On the bright side, I did read that there has been a major decline in full size SUV sales recently. This must be due to all the creepy polygamist mormon compounds being busted up in recent months.

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