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Need a bail-out? Sell Alaska.

holySmith! proposes that we, the people, sell Alaska, including all current residents of the state (sorry Palin family!), to help foot the bill for this bailout plan. Now it wouldn’t be all of it, but it would be a solid down payment in the right direction.

The Russians would love to have it. The Canadians practically live there already, so I am sure they would love it, too. It has to be worth something to someone, so why not?

If you listened to your grandparents when they told of the harsh times during the Great Depression era, you know that economic times like these are all about sacrifice. So it comes down to this: Are we, as a country, really going to miss it?

No. Think about it. If you have a choice where to go for a vacation, where are you going to go: Hawaii or Alaska? Yeah, that’s what I thought. There’s a reason the NFL plays the Pro Bowl in Hawaii and not Alaska. For the 9 people who watch the Iditarod, sorry, maybe we can work that detail into the sale agreement so they can keep it around.

I would say that Alaska is pretty high on the list of things that we could live without right now. I am sure we could work a sweetheart deal for the oil for the time-being, but eventually sell our oil interests once we all have George Jetson flying cars that run on, as our president says, “NU-Q-LAR” energy, or other sources.

But seriously. They bought Alaska for literally pennies per acre back in the day. It would be the biggest ROI in the history of real estate. We could get local Phoenix real-estate agent Russel Shaw to sell it. The average time for him to sell a house, even in today’s market, is only 44 days. He’s not bragging, he’ applying for a job. He wants to be YOUR realtor. If you’re not happy, fire him. You’re in control.

(That’s funnier if you’ve seen his commercials).

But it’s a can’t-miss solution for these trying times. We don’t want to be boring our grandkids to death with stories of the Greater Depression of 2008, do we?

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • jeley September 29, 2008, 4:26 pm

    Hey!!!! Did I see a Flying Car reference?

    holyShit! I did! I did see a Flying Car reference!

    Good Form holySmith!!

  • jeley September 29, 2008, 4:30 pm

    Puerto Rico isn’t doing us much good either. I say we sell that shithole to the Netherlands…they have half the Carribean now anyhow. Besides it is a hurricane magnet and a national disaster area just waiting to happen. We get rid of it now and we won’t have to send any FEMA trailers there later.

  • PlayWhat Todd October 1, 2008, 2:48 pm

    I just came here to say that my Palin name is “Sack Panther Palin”, which I think is pretty damned cool. I think I’ll make everyone start calling me Sack. Wait, what?

    Russell Shaw, my man. In his commercials he looks like the biggest shyster ever, with those squinty eyes and shit-eating grin. I think someone must have mentioned this to him because he’s markedly kinder and softer in his latest batch of TV ads. He’s a caricature of himself.

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