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The Empire Farts Back

This post is dedicated to my old friend Dan. It contains two of his favorite things and I can hear him laughing his ass off right now. . .and the part with Boba Fett, Lando and Vader almost made me blow and o-ring I was laughing so hard. Oh, this is probably NSFW (that’s Not Safe for Work, Dad, so watch this at home).

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Conversations with a 4-Year-Old Episode 1

This episode took place this morning when The Boy came into our room to hang out before going downstairs to eat. The Wife (now pregnant) was in bed and The Boy starts rubbing her belly to try to feel the new baby which is currently in production.

The Wife says, “Are you feeling for the baby?”

To which The Boy says, “Yeah, Mommy.”

The rest of the conversation can be enjoyed in movie form:

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Boba Fett Pumpkin

holySmith! The Boy (now age 4) requested a Boba Fett pumpkin for Halloween. Note the authentic pumpkin rangefinder/rangefinder stalk and bullet dent on the top, right side. I had to add those to distract from my amateur pumpkin carving skills and poor symmetry, of course.

Boba Fett: The Pumpkin // Boba Fett: The Bounty Hunter

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Great Iced Tea Incident of 2010

Where were you when Neil and Buzz walked on the moon? Where were you when the attacks on 9/11 happened?

Where were you when the Great Iced Tea Incident of 2010 went down?

The cashiers at QT execute multiple checkouts with military precision.

The cashiers at QT execute multiple checkouts with military precision.

It happened at the QT on University, near 52nd Street in Tempe. Chad, Todd and I walked in for our daily refills of iced tea (unsweetened) and possibly other stuff. After I filled the cup up with the first ingredient, iced (that’s not a typo, btw), I went to fill the cup with the second ingredient, tea.

But the well was dry.

Another lady said, “Yep, it’s empty, but I think they’re making more.”

Another woman was all like, “What? No unsweetened iced tea?”

“But I don’t want any pop,” says Chad Saddoris, like an Iowan.

“Ugh, really?” said holySmith!.

At that point, the panic started to set in for us. It was like we weren’t going to have our iced tea for the day. The sense of loss was really starting to swell up inside me, almost to the point of tears. So, in order to help cope with the devastation, we resorted to humor.

Chad was like, “well I guess the price of iced tea’s going to skyrocket now.”

And holySmith! was all, “Yep, now that it’s in demand here at the QT, iced tea’s going to start going for $100 per barrel and we’re going to be paying out the backside for it.”

Then some other people said stuff.

The Iced Tea that almost never was.

The Iced Tea that almost never was.

And finally, the nice girl at the QT had the fresh iced tea machine brewing again. It was only a short wait because that machine magically brews iced tea in seconds. Naturally, we let the two nice ladies fill their iced teas first, because we’re good, Midwest boys like that. Then holySmith! filled his, then Chad filled his. Todd wasn’t having iced tea today. He was just there to get trail mix and be our chauffeur.

And as we walked back out to our shaded parking spot, next to the gas pump, we all reflected on the trials and tribulations that we experienced that day at the QT.

Take time today to reflect on where you were. And never forget the almost tragedy that was the Great Iced Tea Incident of 2010.

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Oh August 2010, where have you gone?

Yesterday, the St. Louis Cardinals all but handed the NL Central title to those lingering farts known as the Cincinnati Reds. I can’t even remember the last time I met or heard from a Reds fan — oh, wait, that’s because there haven’t been any Reds fans seen in the wild since Eric Davis was hitting shots out of the Astro-turfed confines of Riverfront Stadium. Now, suddenly, there are Reds fans coming out of the woodwork.

I am pretty sure that when the Cardinals play the Cubs here in a week or so, it will mark the first time that two teams will actually find a way to lose to each other in the same game.

Yet I remain painfully optimistic until they play the last game of the year. There is nothing worse than this feeling right now if you’re a real Cardinals fan. Tomorrow is September and we’re basically done, barring any miraculous winning streaks combined with an utter collapse from the Reds simultaneously.

Now August 2010 is in the books. I thought we had it in the bag, but here we are, reduced to Cubs fans.

It’s just not right.

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