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Unless you’re a hemorrhoid, stay off my ass!

Unless you’re a hemorrhoid, stay off my ass!

This is kind of a “classic” as far as traditional white trash bumper stickers go. I saw this one the other day on the back of an old beater Ford pickup with a camper shell on it. As I passed by the truck, I considered the real meaning of this bumper declaration.

On one hand, it totally makes sense. Why keep getting pissed off at the jackasses who tailgate you every day when you can spend $2.95 and have a sticker present your feelings to the other drivers? Perhaps it might have a reverse effect and cause you to be singled out as a target to be tailgated. It’s like you’re asking to be tailgated because you’ve identified that it does, indeed, press your buttons.

On the other hand, the wording leaves one to ponder the possibility that the bearer of this message is, in fact, inviting any hemorrhoids who may not already be on his or her ass to do so. A simple flip/flop of the two clauses reveals the alternate meaning:

“Stay off my ass unless you’re a hemorrhoid”

It’s like you’re practically begging for hemorrhoids! Is that what you want?

So to those drivers who have this bumper sticker or to any that might be thinking about getting it, I caution you to consider the real message behind this particular sticker. Deep down, you probably don’t want to start inviting hemorrhoids to be on your ass.

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • El Gammy February 14, 2008, 9:46 am

    These are all deep, deep thoughts on the real meanings and hidden messages in bumper stickers. Great work as always holyDouche!

    Now if only you would’ve bowled yesterday as well as you blogged today, we could’ve swept. But I shouldn’t be talking either, considering I totally choked in the 10th after striking out on both the first and last games.

    I wish the 10 pin would get off my ass, and I’d gladly welcome a hemorrhoid in exchange.

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