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We are about to be invaded

Start your preparations now, for over the next two weeks, the douchebags will invade our beloved Valley of the Sun.

The levee broke when that kick went through the uprights in Green Bay, unleashing what will be a tsunami of uber-douches who will do to Phoenix what Katrina did to New Orleans. Satellite photos will reveal the massive shift of douchebaggery from east coast to the southwest starting this week. Guidos and gumbas will roam our streets looking to feed on anyone who talks like a Kennedy or is friends with Ben Affleck.

It’s basically my worst nightmare, other than the part about charging quadruple for everything and making a fortune for many local businesses. And bail money. Everything I can’t stand about sports will be here: sports fans from New York, sports fans from Boston, and ESPN to continuing to blow (Tom Brady) their horns. I can’t even think about it anymore.

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • El Gammy January 22, 2008, 9:53 am

    I’ve already bought myself a bucket full of Tag body spray refill cartridges, so that in case they get too close I can throw one of the cans to the side and make my escape while they chase after it.

    I’ve also bought my daughter a pair of protective glasses that keeps her being able to look up at their popped collars, douchey handsigns and kissy lips.

    Hopefully the Scottsdale Douches can hold on long enough during the upcoming douche turf war to keep the Boston/NY douches at bay. As bad as the Scottsdale Douches are, I think they’re the lesser of two evils in this case.

    And I fear for Mill Avenue.

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