What’s a 13-letter word for: Your commercials suck and make me want to dry-heave and scrape my beautiful hazel eyes out with a rat-tail file and a mellon-baller?
Oh yes, here it is: HE WENT TO JARED
holySmith! has never been in a Jared jewelry store. And thanks to a series of the most over-played and rigoddamndiculous commercials, now he never will. And these are way worse than the mind-numbing Toyota “Saaaaaaved by Zeeeeero” set, or the old Chevy Truck commercials with that retarded, no-talent ass-clown John Cougar Mellancamp singing that F’ing song about our country that made me want to put the extra long 1/2″ drill bit on my drill and jam it in my ear and out the other side. And people wonder why GM is almost out of business?
This crapshow from Jared is a fantastic example of advertising that does its job (we remember the advertiser and their message), but does it so well that it has the opposite effect of what they intend. holySmith! is therefore calling on all of you to stay the hell out of Jared this holiday season as payback for their assy commercials.
As an alternative, holySmith! does recommend The Shane Company. They’re just off Arapahoe Road on Emporia Street, one-half mile east of I-25. Open Monday through Friday ’til eight, Saturadays and Sundays ’til five, or visit ShaneCo.com (I did that from memory, and that’s proof that I lived in Denver for six years and that location-based ads do work).