So I am having an abundantly crappy day today for reasons that will remain undisclosed. That is how I deal with anger and frustration; all of which will ultimately lead to my untimely exit from life, I’m sure. (And 4 out of 5 doctors will concur). So, as has always been my way, in order to vent, I need to engage in a written rant about something. My target today, The Food Network.
The Food Network is widely popular these days and people seem to love to watch it. I personally think that watching people cook on television is about as much fun as watching Nebraska’s landscape as you drive through it.
Tell me if I’m wrong here, but is the Food Network not fundamentally flawed? Food invloves the five senses to enjoy, but cooking shows rob you of the two most important senses when it comes to food…SMELL and TASTE. So, if you can’t SMELL the food on the television and you sure as hell can’t TASTE it, then why the hell WATCH it?
That seems like sensory interruptus if you ask me. Much like a set of blue balls, it is, in effect, torture. How could you want to watch something on television that fails to deliver the two most fundamental things that are required to enjoy it? I mean, I could kind of see being in the studio audience when Emeril makes a dish, then let’s everyone come up and sample it. That could be good. You can watch him make the stuff, hear it sizzling, smell it – maybe even touch it depending on the kind of food being made…but at least you can taste it when it’s done. How disappointing to have to watch for 30 minutes as someone prepares a meal and gets you all worked up, then you don’t get to taste the result of all that hard work.
This continues to blow my mind. The Food Network defies logic in its apparent success and it proves that people are either a) gluttons for punishment, or b) dumb. What is more than likely the case…it’s just me. I am – to quote a legendary Jedi Knight – more machine now, than man. Twisted and evil.
I also think that American Idol is stupid, so there.
Speaking of dumb shows, I do admit that I watch Deal or No Deal (but I fast forward through all the crap). I don’t want to meet their family, I just want to see them further their greed and subsequent let-down by subjecting themselves to progressivly poorer odds. Belief has nothing to do with numbers…they are what they are. I think Professor Charlie Epps from the show “Numbers” should apply his algorithms to Deal or No Deal and find the most logical way to win, if such a thing exists.
OK, I am done.