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Where are we going?

Where are we going? (clap, clap, clap) . . .

So help me, if you say, “Big Tree” or any other of Dora the Explorer’s possible destinations, I will snap.

I may have already snapped. It is not even 7 a.m. and holySmith! is battling to get through it today. I have Dora songs stuck in my head while trying to focus and write marketing copy. Not a good mix.

For this, I blame Dora, the evil little cartoon who has hooked my son, holySmith! The Boy, with her devious little cuteness, her stupid singing map, that damned Swiper (no swiping!) and her backpack, which like holySmith! The Mother’s purse, or Batman’s utility belt, has every conceivable item that could ever be needed in any situation.

Dora has invaded my brain and I have only seen one episode. Her catchy little songs and repetitious spanglish options kept us up until almost 10 last night, and woke us up at about 4 this morning because, like some kind of drug, the boy feels he needs his fix.

When I left the house, he was on his second round of the Rojo the Firetruck episode. There are other episodes on the DVD, but he only watches the Rojo the Firetruck episode where they have to rescue the kitten from the big tree, which, incidentally, is through the town and past the gas station – and you’ll want to take the amarillo road more often than not, but you do take the azul road once.

Here’s an episode for you, Dora: holySmith! wants to hang himself! Can you help holySmith! hang himself? You can? Great! Ok, say “backpack” and let’s see if backpack has a rope!

Stupid Dora.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • El Gammy May 28, 2008, 10:49 am

    Hang in there big guy (total pun intended). I’ve made it through 6 years of Dora, so don’t go killing yourself just yet. I’ve found that if you put your headphones on and turn up some Lamb of God as loud as your ears can take them, you can drown out the know-it-all asshole map, the gluttonous backpack, and the token black kid Boots.

    And if you thought there was light at the end of the tunnel because your kid is a boy, you’re screwed. The genius douche-holes at Nick decided to do a spin-off series of Dora’s “lovable” cousin Diego, conveniently titled “Go, Diego, Go!” So once he outgrows Dora’s faggoty friends, he’ll turn to watch Diego uncomfortably harass small woodland creatures.

    Who do we ask for help when we don’t know which way to go? Right! The barrel of this 45 caliber Glock!

  • El Gammy May 28, 2008, 11:14 am

    This will make you feel better: http://vocaleesta.multiply.com/video/item/55

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